outcome independence

its more than how to handle failure

One aspect of myself I’m trying to work on is my handling of outcomes. Everyone knows it as outcome independence. It doesn’t matter what happens if I do what I’m supposed to do. That’s the brainlet way of thinking about it, but sometimes more straightforward is best. We want to be able to distance ourselves from the outcome and focus on the process. In my case, I need to be able to sit down and write, put thoughts on a piece of paper, and then send those ideas out without the thought they will be read. I say I want to be a profitable writer, but if I don’t make a profit, why would I do this? That’s outcome dependence. I’m fighting that by just writing on this random page on the internet without the thought of people ever reading this. I don’t care what comes of this as long as I can complete these tasks I set for myself. It’s helped in many ways in real life. I used to say things I think are right or proper to say, and I didn’t get the reaction I wanted. I used to want to say things because I wanted to sound smart. I wanted to be seen as wise. I ended up being seen as a know-it-all. However, I learned this by just saying things. There’s no outcome with putting yourself out there. The outcome of that is the action of stepping into the public square. What happens next, you can’t really control. If you have mastery of some art, maybe you can. But not everything happens like a movie where the young kid steps out and is the master he never knew he was because he bEliEvEd iN hImSeLf. That shit doesn’t fucking happen - often. It’s the journey. We must stop waiting for the end and focus on the journey.

I saw a post on Instagram that was written by one of those old money, Gatsby-esque accounts that posts photos of the uber-wealthy in London Estates and nice cars from the '70s to the '90s. It’s a nice fantasy to fall into, but the one thing that stood out to me that I never really heard before was part of a question: what’s more important, the journey or the outcome? The answer was the company. I found it profound at the time, but I didn’t know why. And I think that’s because I didn’t care much for outcome independence.

When you have a set outcome in mind, you get this image in your head that you need to be surrounded by the right people in the right places. So you end up trying to attain these chaotic things, hoping to get the outcome you want. However, sometimes you don’t belong there. I don’t mean to say this in a sense of class, race, or gender, although those things still persist when people tell us they don’t. Usually, all those things can be overcome with wealth. But I genuinely believe NO ONE should be in those circles because that’s a nasty place to be in the first place. But people want that outcome in life. They want to be part of the “it” crowd—outcome dependence.

The issue with this is that you will lose being with the people you are supposed to be with. I wanted to be one of the cool kids for my entire life. That’s my biggest insecurity. I know I think differently, act differently, and dress differently than the crowd I was born into. I don’t like flashy things, and I sure as hell don’t give a fuck about the newest social club or bar. However, I wanted to fit in—outcome dependence.

Being secure with yourself and achieving outcome independence will usually involve exclusion. Still, sometimes, you need to be excluded from certain groups to find the group you’re meant to be in. You’re excluded from the journey you should be on or the path God is forming before you. We all have a choice to go against his plan or go with it, and the most challenging part is knowing which one you are actively doing. But in the end, you figure it out. If you’re lucky, you figure it out during.

For a while, I wanted to write movies. I wanted to be a famous screenwriter who made millions of dollars and controlled culture. That didn’t fucking happen AHAHAHA. But the good part about that was that I learned quickly through working in film that I hated creating the way they did, and I hated working with some of those people. There are a lot of good people in the film industry, but there are some I can’t stand to be around. However, it pushed me into the news industry, where I’m pretty successful - some days - and I’m writing every day for the news. That’s not what I had deemed as my outcome, but I’m doing something I enjoy. I’ve met great people and people I’m not so fond of, but at the end of the day, I figured out I needed to let go of the outcome and focus on the process. Then, you could say, “Well, why focus on the process if you’re not going to get the outcome you want?” Because that’s the only thing you can determine the outcome of - your effort?

I can choose to write, and I can choose not to write. I can choose to eat well or poor. I can choose to say hello or say nothing at all. Whatever the outcome is, I can’t control it. I can only control what I can do. If I want to write well, I must give all my attention and effort to that, and someone may say my writing well isn’t well - it actually sucks. But what do I care? I don’t care about the outcome of my work. It will be what it is supposed to be. If I sit down and write, then I’m a writer. It’s placed me on a path to meeting people I never thought I’d meet. It’s having me find interest in hobbies, ideas, and art I never thought I’d find an interest in. If you told me I’d be trying to become a property manager or work in real estate investing ten years ago, I would’ve laughed in your face.

Demanding life turn out the way you want will only cause you to go in the opposite direction. We tend to do this to avoid a bad situation. I need to do well so I don’t end up poor or in a ditch somewhere, but sometimes, we can’t control that. We can’t control the weather or the sunrise. It does whatever the hell it wants without our consent. We have to exist with life and find solace in the actions we take ourselves. We must control ourselves in order to control our outcome - to a certain degree. Life has an ebb and flow; that’s the truth. We must be able to enjoy the ebb and the flow. If we don’t, we’ll end up in a place we don’t want to be. Outcome independence isn’t just to control our emotions, but really to control our lives in the proper manner.