White wisps rose off the coffee's black surface. The two baristas behind the bar stared at their phones. Todd sat across from me, towering over me even in a seat, staring deep into my eyes. I would try to look at him, but I had to avert my gaze. He knew what I did, and I knew what I did. It was clear in that moment that I had gotten sober without Lucy. I felt good about it, but now I realized I wouldn’t be able to hide my relapse from Todd, but if I had to give up my broken sobriety instead of the thought I’d lost my reality, then that would be a win for me. The wisps disappeared in the silence, and Todd shifted his seat.
“Ark,” Todd grunted, leaning toward me. He had a special power to divert his anger to compassion, even in an interrogation like this. “What’s going on?”
“I fucked up,” I forced out. “I know I fucked up, but I just needed a day or two to get my bearings.”
“You were doing so well,” Todd sighed. “What caused the relapse? Are you okay?”
I wanted to yell. I didn’t have the patience for this right now. I could feel the intermittent buzzes of my phone from Z’s rapid-fire texts. But I had to push through. “I’m fine, but I just lost it. I don’t know what to tell you.” I doubt whoever listened to me would think I was telling the truth, but that’s all I could say. No one could rationalize my wild, weird, and twisted story. “I’ll be there tomorrow night. I promise.”
“You should’ve been there last night,” Fink said, sipping his hot coffee.
“I know. I know.”
Todd’s head drooped, and he shrugged. He knew I was lying, but couldn’t press harder. I knew he wanted to, but he sighed and said, “If you feel more comfortable telling the group, fine by me.”
“I’m sorry, Todd,” I sighed. I could feel the tears well up. It felt like I’d let down a brother of mine.
“Paul,” Todd sighed and raised his hand. “Just show up tomorrow night.”
Todd stood from his chair and took his coffee with him.
“How did you even find me?” I called out before he exited. He looked and shrugged.
“You’re a creature of habit. I knew I could find you here when you didn’t show up last night.” Todd smiled and pushed the door open. He trudged through the rain to his pickup and drove off. I hadn’t come here since last week with Lucy. Did he know? I let the wheels of my mind turn, but the buzzing in my pocket didn’t stop.
As soon as I left, the rain pelted my jacket. I’d never experienced such abusive rain as I jogged to my car. It probably felt worse since my previous conversation. I’d lived through these winters before, but I shook like an earthquake had ruptured. As soon as I got in the car, I pulled out my phone and read through. Z had been sending updates throughout my conversation. She’d made a lot of progress:
Z/started basic assembly. Going better than expected.
/It’s been less than an hour.
Z/You need to keep up.
/How long till you’re done?
Z/Weeks, I think. I’ve only gotten the housing. The brain is still forming.
Z sent the smirking face emoji. She was unique, not a bad thing. I put the phone in my pocket. I could feel a smile creep up my right side. The hurt from my previous conversation subsided.
I drove in the direction of home but passed the exit. I knew I should go back and work with Z for a bit, but some of me didn’t want to. I realize now it was unbearable to set foot in my own home. I kept parallel with the trees and yellow divider lines. The national park border served as my GPS. My eyes would float from the road to the tree line. I thought I could see the beast inside the trees, but that was my mind playing tricks. I was paranoid. So, I zoned out. I don’t know what happened; it was like auto-pilot mode for the body so the mind could wander. I didn’t need to worry about what I was doing. I was in a flow state that runners talk about when they enter the final miles of a marathon. I retreated inside myself.
The memories of that drive were faint. I could only remember the green billboards and blacktop rolling past. My mind was on the promise of a hunt. Both the good and bad. It was a conquest, filled with mystery and danger. It got my testosterone pumping. Been a while since that. I could feel my eyes widen, the light coming in more directly. There hadn’t been sun all day, but my world was glowing. The beast was out there lurking in the forests, but where? That beast could've sprinted off anywhere north, south, east, or west. But the hope of bringing my girls back made the difference. I knew I would battle the elements for them.
The gas pump icon with a ring illuminated my dashboard. The needle hovered over the red. I hadn’t filled up for the past couple of days. I returned to the present and saw a sign: MONTREAL 20 MILES. I needed to turn around. Plus, I could stretch my legs for a bit.
The closest pump was a 76. I pulled my truck in and parked at the first empty bay. I looked around, almost confused, at where I had landed. I felt out of my element. I’d never gone this far north. But that didn’t matter; I needed the air. I needed another cup of coffee or some form of caffeine.
The mart was tiny: enough room for a row of fridges and snacks. Cigarettes covered the wall behind the clerk and the counter. I could hear the faint sound of a woman talking. I wasn’t sure if it was the attendant, but I saw him staring at the TV. The local news reporter was giving her sign-off before tossing to the anchors. A quick jingle came through to signal a commercial break. The clerk didn’t pay much attention to me. I shuffled my way to the cooler. There wasn’t much except water, soda, and energy drinks. Red Bull, it was.
I scanned the snacks before walking up to the counter. I didn’t think about the beer next to the energy drinks; I thought about Z and my plan, my hope. I believed her device would work, but it would need a lot of planning. I hadn’t checked the news since this happened, so I listened. The following story was about sports, so I pulled out my phone to read anything in my local area. I tried looking up stories on bear attacks and found my incident. It was a simple write-up with no continuation. No reporter had come to me, but somehow they’d gotten the police report on the shooting. I thought that was weird, but I knew the agents had gotten ahead. After that, there was nothing. I sighed in relief, knowing that the creature hadn’t appeared. But it left a big question unanswered: how would it stay that way? It could be anywhere. Z was making the tracker, which was great, but the beast could be gone at any moment. I wasn’t even convinced it was still in the state. I checked for anything relevant. I found nothing. I felt relieved that we still had time.
I slipped my phone away and dropped the drink on the register. My eyes kept moving back and forth between the screen and the attendant. The local sports were over, and the anchor returned, rambling about a local shooting, a robbed store, and a typical, lawless night in Plattsburgh, New York. I dropped the can before the zombified man when my attention was diverted.
“In state news,” the anchor said calmly, falsetto. “New York Park officials have paused visitors camping overnight after multiple reports of what they say are unusual wildlife activity. Allie Waith has more.”
The newsroom feed cut to the typical b-roll of people skiing, hiking, and sitting by the campfire. The voice-over of a young woman came in, setting the scene. There was no mention of my incident, but it seemed off. I knew I should pay attention. She mentioned the pause affected all of the parks from Canada to Binghamton. I paid for the drink, but stood there listening. I knew it was the creature. It had to be. Could the agents have that much authority to shut down everything? I wanted to walk out, but a voice I’d heard earlier in the day came through the TV Screens.
“Well,” the gravelly voice stated, “it’s concerning this time of year since it’s the end of hibernation. We’ll start to see more black bears as the season rolls on.”
“Holy shit, it’s Todd,” I murmured. The zombified attendant perked up when I said that. He thought I called him my friend’s name, but I shook my head. He went back to his phone. I watched the rest of the report.
“We would like to remind those still in the park, whether renting or living, to make sure all trash is locked in specified containers. Any refuse needs to be placed into the bear-proof cans outside each property. If you do not have a pair, please call the sheriff’s department, and we’ll arrange the disposal.” Todd walked away from the camera. Whatever was happening, he didn’t have the time to chit-chat. I left the gas station more confused, but I realized that’s why Todd had gone so quickly. What had he seen?
I drove as fast as I could home. Z sat in the garage with the door open, fast at work. I wondered if the rain had hit any of the electronics. Then I remembered the grass must’ve been hot. She was sweating, overheating from the environment. As I parked the truck, I remembered I’d never given her a clicker. Guess she’d pulled the manual switch. I wondered if she had looked for the potential bugs left by our new friends, but I also didn’t want to blow our cover. She left the room as I hopped out of the driver’s side.
“How long have you been there?” I asked. She shrugged, leaning on the hood. I think she didn’t want me to go in just yet.
“Where have you been?” she asked.
“On the road. How’d you get in?”
“I lifted the door.”
I lowered my voice and asked, “Did you find anything?”
“A few, but I didn’t touch anything. No need to blow our cover. I didn’t check your computer, but I imagine there will be no surprises.”
“-that we aren’t expecting.”
She nodded and smirked as if to say, “it is what it is.” We entered the space, and I felt the heat. It was worse than last time. No wonder she wanted the door open. I began to take my jacket off. I wondered when the two wardens would pay Z a visit, but she didn’t seem to care. As I walked to my desk, she sat in front of the microscope again. She’d chosen my office chair and left me with her foldable one, like the extra seats used in middle school. I logged on and went about my work as usual. Without making it obvious, I flipped on my anti-bug search. I had it installed a while ago when I first started investigating. Paranoid that someone would come after me, I wanted my ass covered. It didn’t do anything on my computer, but it would send the information to my phone. The readout on my cell showed a sneaky program recording my screen and mouse movement. It also tried to target the camera, but there wasn’t one connected.
“They’re good,” I whispered to my friend.
“Yes, they are,” Z murmured.
“You still haven’t told me what I know.”
“I will.”
“Why not now?” I asked and looked at her. I didn’t want to say anything about Todd since she wasn’t honest either. She looked up, pushed her glasses up her bridge, and stood.
“I brought you something.”
Z walked to her car. I followed curiously. The way she had said it made me jump up. It was important, but then again, anything she did at this time was crucial. However, I could feel my energy rise. Something I didn’t know I could feel for someone else was growing. I had trouble describing it, but certain feelings were bubbling.
She didn’t want the eyes to see what she had. A box sat on the passenger seat of her car. She placed it on top of the car roof. I didn’t see anything that made me suspicious. With these agents stalking us, I wanted to make sure we weren’t being dumb. Save for the bugged work area, the coast was clear. Z stopped in front of her car and looked me in the eyes.
“Are you ready?” she asked.